When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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