And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
