So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Acid is not a monday night drug
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
