Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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