btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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