Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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