ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
