My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
