I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
