I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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