4 words: hood of his car
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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