God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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