He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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