What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
