nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
