Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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