he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
