Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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