after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
