i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
