I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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