It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Couch. On fire.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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