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• (305): View more from Florida

  We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.

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• (925): View more from California

  no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.

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• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary

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• (714): View more from California

  You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."

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• 

  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.

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