Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
