Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on