My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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