I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.