Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
