its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
