i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
