We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
