Your tits are I can't wait for
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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