some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Need sex. Gaining weight.
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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