Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
