You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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