but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
