how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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