I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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