Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
