I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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