I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
