I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
