Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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