My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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