its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
