the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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