So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
