dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
