Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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