I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
