I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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