is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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