Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
