So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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