It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
