i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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