well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize