so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
