I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
