i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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