May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
