so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize