She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
