Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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