You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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