I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
