i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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