Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
