I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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