i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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