I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
