if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
