In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i was born a porn star she said
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
