No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
