I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
