Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize