When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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