Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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