ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize