your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
