im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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