Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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