So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
