Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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