I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
