Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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