I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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