There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
