they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
