Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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