i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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