I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
